Inner ruminations of an unquiet mind.

And seize the day, and all that other “positive attitude” crap that really does ring true, when it all boils down to it.

I will admit, it is often easier said that done. I think our basic human nature is to second guess and overthink things. It doesn’t even matter what that “thing” is, from the most important right down to the most trivial, we usually do a whole lot more thinking than it actually warrants.

We also usually do a whole lot less “living” than we really should, because of all the overthinking.

So my resolution is to start living and start enjoying the small things, the little moments, for what they are. I’m hoping that this kind of attitude will bring joy to even the most mundane day. I also think it will be useful in those certain situations where I have a tendency to try to evaluate all of the “why’s” to the extent that the actual occurence (which tends to be pleasant, let’s be honest) slips through my fingers. Fuck that. I want to enjoy those moment, too. They are gifts, and to hell with the “why’s”. I don’t have to have a definitive answer to every single thing. I can also concede that the simplest answer is probably the most logical….all the more reason to just let it go and enjoy it for what it is.

I’m going through some moderately tough things right now. I don’t want nor do I expect any help or any sympathy—as usual, I have this, on my own. I just want to remember to recognize those small beautiful moments as they happen, and add enjoyment to a life that could be really hard without them.

nanflanagan:

I’m sorry but if your husband forbids you from using your own car and you think “Well at least he’s letting me go to work.”…

Yeah. I had that same thought too, when I read it. lol

AHHHHH why???!

WHY??!?!

Mindfuck…mindfuck. For sure.

I said I wanted to fill in my “extra” time (still laughing about this, because I really never had any, contrary to popular opinion) and it looks like it’s been done. I have several applications in at various local places, and my resumes will be going out shortly for other open positions. So now, I am in a race against time to see how much of my other projects I can actually get done before one of these jobs comes through. I’ve already caught hell from a certain relative who expressed displeasure at the fact that I did not answer or return an email and a phone call. Well, guess what? I’M BUSY. And I would have replied to that individual had they not pissed me off by getting all butthurt over it. But if you’re going to get attitude with me……trust me, just don’t—because I will easily beat you at your own game, and I don’t get butthurt over things. Makes no difference to me. IDGAF. lol. The fact is that I will beat and defeat you at your own game which means you’ll bitch and cry even more, and please save us both the aggravation.

I’m actually looking forward to working because it will help me take my mind off of the fact that we are not moving for several more months. I could move this summer if I wanted to, but I have to admit that the timing just isn’t right. I just want to be as busy as entirely possible so that I don’t have time to dwell on anything, and so I can make money to set aside for when that day actually rolls around.

And now, without further adieu, I head back to work on this afternoon’s project.

….when you suddenly begin to realize why someone does things the way they do. Why they act in a certain way, and what’s behind it. This person would be snickering and probably halfway dancing around in glee to hear me say this…..but they’re right.

So, so right.

And I think it’s just a matter of change….I almost said maturity, but I don’t really consider myself immature. As people, we are continuously evolving, and this is what’s at work here—I am sure of it. It’s a matter of moving ahead and becoming what I want to be and pushing forward with what I want for my life. Some things and some people will be making the journey with me, because they are also evolving and the compatibility remains, but by the same token, there are things and people that will be left behind because they are stagnant. I refuse to ever become stagnant.

And I still concede that what I once thought was the mark of a difficult person, really isn’t, and that I am much the same.